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10.06.2010

Canada: Declare War or Emigrate. It's a Tough Choice

Thanks to humorist Dave Barry's exposé of the looming threat to our national security, I've long been a proponent of preemptively invading Canada. And then came Michael Moore's film SiCKO, which convinced me that after we invade, we might want to dissect the Canadian health care system and find out what makes it tick.

And now? Well, I think plans for the invasion should be called off, and all of us wine lovers should just consider picking up and walking across the border. Why?

Because when the Canadian Government decides to spend money in a stimulus package they don't give it to their failing, inept, and grossly mismanaged auto industry. They don't give it to the super-rich wealth management firms. They don't even give it to Corporate Canada, or whatever they call the massive block of corporate lobbyists leaching away Canadian tax dollars.

Instead they invest in wine therapy.

Now if that isn't the sign of a higher state of consciousness, I don't know what is.

I just spent about 5 days in Vancouver, and thought it was fantastic. I'd move there if we could destabilize the economy and get the IMF to enact reforms designed to devalue the Canadian dollar enough to make the exchange rate favorable again.

Then all we'd have to do is change the arcane, state-run liquor laws so that when we got our wine therapy, we could at least get it with some good wine.

Hmm. I guess it looks like we're going to have to invade after all.

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Required Reading for Wine Lovers

The Oxford Companion to Wine by Jancis Robinson Wine Grapes The World Atlas of Wine by Hugh Johnson to cork or not to cork by George Taber reading between the vines by Terry Theise adventures on the wine route by Kermit Lynch Love By the Glass by Dorothy Gaiter & John Brecher Noble Rot by William Echikson The Science of Wine by Jamie Goode The Judgement of Paris by George Taber The Wine Bible by Karen MacNeil The Botanist and the Vintner by Christy Campbell The Emperor of Wine by Elin McCoy The Taste of Wine by Emile Peynaud