Superstar rocker Maynard James Keenan, who recently decided Arizona wasn't hot enough for making wine and moved to growing vines in the Gobi Desert, recently got Dr. Ruth Westheimer drunk off her ass, fed her some human flesh, seduced her, and now the two of them now have a love child.
Or something like that. Bat boy has escaped again.
The internets are a wonderful thing. Not only do they permit the atrocious yet topically appropriate grammar displayed by the previous sentence, they bring us glorious tales of the wine world's reality that are too precious to imagine.
The aforementioned Mr. Keenan, who has indeed taken to making wine (a fact that was profiled in a documentary entitled Blood into Wine, in which I appeared), was recently asked a rather odd question during a media interview. The interviewer wanted to know the appropriate wine pairing for human flesh, given the recent cannibalism epidemic. Keenan, apparently didn't miss a beat.
Sadly unrelated, wine appears to be a hot product for China and Inner Mongolia, thanks to vineyards at the edges of the Gobi Desert. There's even a Loire Valley winemaker helping the stuff get made. Apparently most of the production ends up in the hands of local functionaries and businesspeople, so don't look for it on shelves near you anytime soon.
What you SHOULD keep an eye out for, however, are the new series of wines from the one, the only, Dr. Ruth Westheimer, who wants you to get drunk (just a little) and get laid (a whole lot). To that end she's marketing a new line of lower alcohol (because while it helps libido, it hurts performance) wines with the idea that we all get a little lubricated before we get, well, you know. Vin d'Amour, indeed. The real question is whether a bottle of 6% alcohol wine with her face on it will really get anyone in the mood. I do know it's gonna make about as good a gag gift as Hello Kitty Wine.
Keep it coming Internets. I'm drinking it up!
A wine book like no other. Photographs, essays, and wine recommendations. Learn more.
Vinography Unboxed: Week of May 4, 2015 Vinography Images: A Shaggy Guardian Vinography Unboxed: Week of April 26, 2015 Vinography Images: Above the Coast 2015 Seven Percent Solution Tasting: May 6, San Francisco Imagining a Better Future for the Soils of Champagne A Brief Video Lesson in Champagne Disgorgement Vinography Images: The World of the Leaf Book Signing on May 9th, at Raymond Vineyards in Napa Doorman: Changing My Wine Delivery Life
Wine Will Never Smell the Same Again: Luca Turin and the Science of Scent Forlorn Hope: The Remarkable Wines of Matthew Rorick Debating Robert Parker At His Invitation Passopisciaro Winery, Etna, Sicily: Current Releases Should We Care What Winemakers Say? The Sweet Taste of Freedom: Austria's Ruster Ausbruch Wines 2009 Burgundy Vintage According to Domaine de la Romanée-Conti Charles Banks: The New Man Behind Mayacamas Wine from the Caldera: The Incredible Viticulture of Santorini Why Community Tasting Notes Sites Will Fail Chateau Rayas and the 2012 Vintage of Chateauneuf-du-Pape A Life Indomitable: The Wines of Casal Santa Maria, Portugal Bay Area Bordeaux: Tasting Santa Cruz Mountain Cabernets Forgotten Jewels: Reviving Chile's Old Vine Carignane The First-Timer's Guide to Les Trois Glorieuses of Hospices de Beaune