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04.23.2013

A Dark Day For Wine Lovers

bigstock-Man-1191820.jpgWe all dream big dreams, hope springing from our chests as easily as breathing. This is the human condition -- to aspire to a better life, even against the fiercest of odds. Sometimes the only thing that can sustain us through dark times is the tiny light of faith we hold in our hearts.

I have been carrying just such a flickering flame of hope for some time now, but life can sometimes be cruel. Today my hopes were dashed against the rock wall of reality, and I am back to resignation and despair.

At the beginning of March, the Transportation Security Administration announced that beginning April 25th, we would once again be able to bring corkscrews onto planes in this country. This news was like a shaft of light in the darkness, a bit of joy in a time of dreary economic downturn.

But today, the TSA announced they would delay their new policy, caving to pressures from flight attendant unions and those who believe that a 1.5 inch blade is all that might be required to bring down another airplane in this country.

How cruelly they toy with our hearts and our freedoms. How deeply they do wound innocent wine lovers everywhere. With such iniquity do they yet build higher their hoardings of laguioles and lever-pulls.

I had but one thing to look forward to this week, and they have stolen it from me.

Enough. I cannot dwell in these thoughts any longer, for fear that they drag me down to depths I have never known.

I have been cured of hope. It has been wrung from me like so much dishwater from a rag. I dare not hope again. Only seek to survive in a hostile time and place, to continue on against a tide of oppression.

Image of depressed guy courtesy of Bigstock

Comments (7)

bob gustafson wrote:
04.24.13 at 7:14 AM

Alder,
Love the overwrought prose and accompanying photo.

Roger Beery wrote:
04.24.13 at 7:46 AM

Too damn funny!!!!!

Tom Barras wrote:
04.24.13 at 8:23 AM

Yea Verily! Ah So! Time to pull out that antique Zig Zag corkscrew!

zoe wrote:
04.24.13 at 9:58 AM

I can't wait until this gets approved and I'll be able to pop open, decant, and sniff/swirl/sip that special bottle of 1954 Petrus on my next red-eye to Detroit. (Although I do have serious concerns about how will it pair with my bag of mini cheese-flavored crackers.) I wonder what the airlines' corkage fees will be...

Ewan Murray wrote:
04.25.13 at 4:28 AM

And yet you can buy breakable glass bottles airside that could be used as a jagged weapon ...

scott wrote:
04.25.13 at 7:37 AM
Peter wrote:
04.28.13 at 8:23 PM

You should sue the TSA and Feds for denying your constitutional rights to use a benign utensil.

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