Listen, wine drinkers. I know times are tough. Everyone has less disposable income these days, and it's tougher than ever to justify paying a lot for wine. That's why champagne sales have plummeted, and there's a constant fire sale on most wines that cost more than $100 these days.
We all have to do what we can to manage in these economic times, and if that means cutting back on wine consumption, or buying lower priced bottles, so be it. There are other things that are more important than wine, so it's OK to trade down a little.
But whatever you do, please don't start snorting cocaine instead of drinking wine now that it's cheaper than a good glass of Cabernet.
For starters, it's nowhere near as good for your health. Studies have shown that cocaine has much less resveratrol and antioxidants than red wine, and perforated septums aren't so handy for those who enjoy the aromas of a fine claret.
Don't get me started on the latest trends in cocaine and food pairing. The shit is an appetite suppressant for crying out loud! Don't believe anyone who tells you that a line or two perfectly complements a nice piece of grilled fish.
And frankly it's anti-social. Sure, you can do a line after your buddy, or have a romantic moment snorting the same line as your girlfriend so your rolled up dollar bills meet in the middle for a little tooter tango, but you just can't linger over a gram the way you can with a glass of wine in your hand. OK, so it doesn't stain like red wine, but if you're worried about that, just drink Riesling.
Spend less on wine if you must. Buy the $3 bottles at the grocery store, but don't give up on it just because you can feel like Superman for an hour. At least a few glasses of wine won't land you in jail unless you do something stupid like drive home afterward.
Concerned citizens are encouraged to donate funds to WHACKD, Winemakers Against Cocaine Killer Discounts.
A wine book like no other. Photographs, essays, and wine recommendations. Learn more.
The Superb Grace of Old Vines: Drinking Janasse The Zinfandel Experience: January 31, San Francisco Vinography Unboxed: Week of January 4, 2015 Vinography Images: The Colors of a New Season Vinography Unboxed: Week of December 27th, 2014 Vinography Images: Rich Skies Losing a Legend in Serge Hochar Flirting with the Ecstatic: The Wines of Nikolaihof, Austria Vinography Unboxed: Week of December 20, 2014 A Grape By Any Other Name
Wine Will Never Smell the Same Again: Luca Turin and the Science of Scent Forlorn Hope: The Remarkable Wines of Matthew Rorick Debating Robert Parker At His Invitation Passopisciaro Winery, Etna, Sicily: Current Releases Should We Care What Winemakers Say? The Sweet Taste of Freedom: Austria's Ruster Ausbruch Wines 2009 Burgundy Vintage According to Domaine de la Romanée-Conti Charles Banks: The New Man Behind Mayacamas Wine from the Caldera: The Incredible Viticulture of Santorini Why Community Tasting Notes Sites Will Fail Chateau Rayas and the 2012 Vintage of Chateauneuf-du-Pape A Life Indomitable: The Wines of Casal Santa Maria, Portugal Bay Area Bordeaux: Tasting Santa Cruz Mountain Cabernets Forgotten Jewels: Reviving Chile's Old Vine Carignane The First-Timer's Guide to Les Trois Glorieuses of Hospices de Beaune