Text Size:-+
06.06.2011

Wine Drinkers in Pennsylvania Begin to Escape the Borg

plcb_kiosk.jpgUnless you live in a fascist or totalitarian state already, you have probably not been aware of the grave and insidious threat that was gradually infiltrating the world of wine. Machines, smelted in the depths of the earth, engineered by an evil committee of subhuman overlords, have slowly threatened to take over the wine industry in Pennsylvania.

Cousins to the passive aggressive computer HAL that talked its way into a starring role in Stanley Kubrick's film 2001, these machines exist for one terrible purpose: to frustrate wine lovers in Pennsylvania to the point that they'd rather eat shards of broken glass than buy a bottle of wine.

I fired a warning shot across the bow of the advancing metallic hordes when I first learned of their existence. My attack was heeded by my fellow wine lovers, but even together we were no match for the strength of the PA Bureaucracy, and their heartless machines.

But then a chink in their armor revealed itself, and some awoke to find themselves the slaves of machines. These brave few realized they had to escape their servitude, and a movement was born.

And today, it is with great joy that I announce what seems to be an impending uprising. Pennsylvanians are throwing off the shackles of their digital wine enslavement, and standing up to the forces of the PLCB, saying, "No More!"

Wegmans has destroyed 10 of the monsters, and there are rumblings that others will rise up and overthrow their wine machine overlords.

Let us pray for our Pennsylvanian brothers and sisters in this darkest of hours. And if you can, for heaven's sake, send them some wine to drink.

More here.

Buy My Book!

small_final_covershot_dropshadow.jpg A wine book like no other. Photographs, essays, and wine recommendations. Learn more.

Follow Me On:

Twitter Facebook Pinterest Instagram Delectable Flipboard

Most Recent Entries

Putting a Cork in Your Thanksgiving Wine Anxiety Plumbing the Depths of Portugal: A Tasting Journey Vinography Images: Rain at Last The Mysterious Art of Selling Direct Critical Consolidation in Wine What Has California Got Against Wineries? Dirty Money for a Legendary Brand Vinography Images: Tendrils Highlights from Tasting Champagne with the Masters Off to Portugal for a Drink

Favorite Posts From the Archives

Masuizumi Junmai Daiginjo, Toyama Prefecture Wine.Com Gives Retailers (and Consumers) the Finger 1961 Hospices de Beaune Emile Chandesais, Burgundy Wine Over Time The Better Half of My Palate 1999 Királyudvar "Lapis" Tokaji Furmint, Hungary What's Allowed in Your Wine and Winemaking Why Community Tasting Notes Sites Will Fail Appreciating Wine in Context The Soul vs. The Market 1989 Fiorano Botte 48 Semillion,Italy

Archives by Month

 

Required Reading for Wine Lovers

The Oxford Companion to Wine by Jancis Robinson The Taste of Wine by Emile Peynaud Adventures on the Wine Route by Kermit Lynch Love By the Glass by Dorothy Gaiter & John Brecher Noble Rot by William Echikson The Science of Wine by Jamie Goode The Judgement of Paris by George Taber The Wine Bible by Karen MacNeil The Botanist and the Vintner by Christy Campbell The Emperor of Wine by Elin McCoy The World Atlas of Wine by Hugh Johnson The World's Greatest Wine Estates by Robert M. Parker, Jr.