Yes, it’s a little early, but when Mike, one of my readers, sent me this story I knew that there was no topping this contraption as a candidate for the crackpot Christmas gift of the year. Last year it was the Clef du Vin, and this year?:
“The machine works by pumping wine and tap water through a specially designed electrolysis chamber equipped with wafer-thin platinum electrodes. The water and wine are separated by an ion exchange membrane — the key component, for which Mr Tanaka holds the patent.”
Just think of it as electroshock therapy for your wines. Your wines do need therapy don’t they?
But why would you want to electrolyze your wine? Well, so that you can buy crappy wine and turn it into good wine, of course:
“In 15 seconds it transforms the cheapest, youngest plonks into fine old draughts as fruit flavors are enhanced and rough edges are mellowed. Reds become more complex, and whites drier. A wine costing $10 a bottle could taste the same as one costing twice that, which will create huge changes to the global wine industry.”
Wow. I’m really, utterly speechless.
Each kit includes a Japanese boffin, a zany-looking contraption, a couple of meters of latex tubing and a few hundred volts of electricity, and of course, comes with the Brooklyn Bridge for an additional $9.99.
I don’t know about you, but I’m headed out to buy 500 cases of plonk to turn into “fine old draughts” as we speak.