My favorite ornery comedian-philosopher has decided to teach his readers about wine from a waiter’s perspective, and has some interesting and sometimes funny notes on “How to Order Wine Without Looking Like an Asshole.” This isn’t wine class for those who may be dining in the finest restaurants in New York, this is wine class for the folks who want a $30 bottle to go with their pasta. Amidst all the snark and attitude (don’t be scared off, he’s old and jaded), the Waiter provides some pretty no nonsense advice for those looking to learn, as well as some admonitions for those bozos who don’t understand, for instance, that the waiter is not pouring you a taste to make sure you like it, he’s pouring you a taste only so that if it is spoiled you can send it back.

My favorite piece of advice, though, is his last: Its wine, not the Blood of Christ. Don’t worship it. Enjoy it.

Hallelujah.