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Leftover Wine? Use It to Grow Your Own Clothes

Many of you ask, “how can you come up with something to blog about every day for three years?” I gotta tell ya people, sometimes it’s not the easiest thing in the world, but other times life just pitches slow balls right across the plate. I can hardly believe how bizarre the world can be when you get right down to it.

Case in point? The latest ground-breaking research in wine chemistry which has developed a way to harness bacterial action to grow clothes from gradually spoiling red wine. Yes, that’s right, leave a bunch of wine around to slowly begin turning itself into vinegar and with a little encouragement you can yield the kind of high quality, high fashion garment shown on the undead model over there on the right.

Just think about how good that dress would look on someone living and even barely attractive! I’d pay money to see that dress on Madonna, though perhaps not for the reasons you might expect.

But I’m getting sidetracked from the science, here. Apparently as a byproduct of fermentation, the bacteria at work in spoiling wine create cellulose, which gets gradually knit together into a real “fabric” of sorts, which apparently has enough durability for it to be layered together and then draped over someone for a certain period of time.

Of course magic fabric always has to have some sort of catch, right? This one only works if you keep it wet. Something I’m sure thousands of eager college students would have no trouble doing on Spring Break in Fort Lauderdale, but which might prove problematic for fashion mavens in Arizona.

The marketing potential is pretty enormous, though when you think about it. Wine grape names are so sexy and so associated with color already, this will give a new meaning to wearing “Cabernet.”

I’ll bet we can convince Bjork to wear one of these to next year’s Oscars. It’s better than a swan.

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